The best headlines from recent years (these actually appeared) from a newspaper clipping Mischa had on his dorm door at the Univ. of Chicago:


Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case


Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One


Iraqi Head Seeks Arms


Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over


British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands


Eye Drops Off Shelf


Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax


Plane Too Close to Ground,
Crash Probe Indicates


Miners Refuse to Work After Death


Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link


Stolen Painting Found by Tree


Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last a While


Red Tape Holding Up Bridges


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half


Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors